Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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