my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
