i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
