false alarm. still invincible.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
