I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
