Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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