The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
