I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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