yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
