Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
