they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
