"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
