The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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