eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
