there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
