Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
