Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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