we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
