I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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