somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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