Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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