i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
