do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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