whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
