If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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