If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
