Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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