So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
