dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
