Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
