im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
