the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
