if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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