I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
