I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I believe in your delicious
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
