We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
