thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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