Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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