In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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