One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
