Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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