there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
