I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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