Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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