i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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