I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
