i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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