If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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