At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think people are normalizing furries
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
