After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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