listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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